Never Without You
by Kay the Cricketed
Summary: ::sniffs:: Daishiro.. sad... contains character death and attempted suicide... You might wanna read "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" and "You Gave Me Love" by me first... it might make better sense. ^_^ R and R? PLEASE, BY THE POWER OF CAFFIENE GODS?!?!!?


Never Without You  
  
By Kay  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just own everything else in the world.  
  
Notes: Um. Depressing. Daishiro. Nuff said. ^_^ Somewhat sequel to my other two Daishiro- "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" and "You Gave Me Love." But it's more of a "what if" situation... what happens if Izzy dies...? ::wails:: I GET MAD OF COURSE! But, besides that...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~There are times I swear I know you're here  
  
I forget about my fears, feeling you my dear~  
  
Daisuke Motomiya raised his face to the dark blue sky above, where the stars seem to glow on the horizen. His tears were dried slightly as a cool breeze blew past his flushed face, the weary expression with dark brown eyes brimming with sadness and a hautned pain.  
  
He'd lost him. They all had failed.  
  
Koushiro Izumi had died at the age of 14, at the hands of a Digimon out of contol- one of Ken's troops, no doubt. One of the slaves. All because of the Emperor.  
  
Now... Koushiro was gone.  
  
Daisuke knew one thing, though. Soon he'd be joinging him. And he wasn't afraid.  
  
He was not afraid any longer. Not anymore anyway. He had been careless, stupid, an idiot before- rushing into battles with no plan or way of attack. This time was different. This time he'd planned it all out.  
  
There was no fear. He'd be free, finally, after these past few weeks of hell. He could do this.  
  
He had the crest of Courage, didn't he?  
  
~Watching over me, my hope sees  
  
What the future will bring  
  
When you wrap me in your wings and take me~  
  
Daisuke lowered his head, fighting back a fresh wave of hot tears that threatened to spill down his face. He'd loved him. Loved the intelligent teenager more than he would have imagined once upon a time. True, he had loved Hikari- loved her like he'd loved no other girl. But that was before...  
  
Before he'd realized all he wanted was in the form of a fiery red head with dark curious eyes and a beautiful smile.  
  
He'd fallen in love before he'd even had the chance to realize it.  
  
Sure, he tried to push the feelings away. Everytime he said something, and his eyes would seem to stray to Daisuke's, he have shivers trailing down his spine. He loved to hear him talk, even if it was just some stupid advice about how not to run into the Digimon Emperor. He loved the way he moved, the way when he concentrated hard on something he would bite his lip and his shoulders would tense slightly. He tried to ignore all of it.  
  
But it's hard to ignore something so right.  
  
The only thing he could think of now was that it wouldn't ever be right again until he was someplace with Koushiro. No matter if it was heaven or hell or oblivion. Who cared?  
  
It would be worth it.  
  
~Where you are  
  
Where you and I will be together once again  
  
We'll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to do~  
  
The moon was looking down on him.  
  
Daisuke smiled, remembering the old stories his older sister Jun used to tell him when he was five about the man in the moon always looking out for you. He'd been so scared of the night that having her tell him a story about the moon was the only way he'd go to sleep.  
  
Later, he found other uses for the moon and stars to get rid of his fear.  
  
Laying on the grass, looking up at the sky with Koushiro.  
  
Looking up through the window, remembering what Koushiro had told him about the constellations and their meanings.  
  
Under the moonlight with Koushiro, holding each other and gazing into each other's eyes, speaking promises silently.  
  
Kissing him under the moonlight Saturday night.  
  
~And you'll be smiling back at me  
  
Only then will I be free  
  
When I can be where you are~  
  
So much of his life was spent trying to get attention from everyone else in the world. To seem important, loved, worth something. To have one person make him thier world. It had made him a selfish jerk sometimes, he'd freely admit that right now.  
  
But when Koushiro came... He'd put Daisuke first. Always teasing, always giving him affection that was so uncharacteristic for the young genius. He never made him feel worthless or foolish. He made him feel loved and treasured and like he was the most valuable and perfect creature on earth. In return, Daisuke openly loved and admired him.  
  
Daisuke had told him everything in his life. Spilled old secrets, long thoughts and dreams. Now, he was just...  
  
Gone.  
  
And he was alone.   
  
It was like part of him was missing, torn away. Now he couldn't do anything but walk around in a daze, wondering what it would take to be free of this torturous pain again.  
  
Daisuke looked down at the steep cliff side, where the dark ocean was pounding and breaking onto the rocks at the bottom. It was beautiful tonight.  
  
More beautiful knowing soon he'd be sharing it with the one he loved.  
  
'Never without you, love.'  
  
~And I can see your face, your kiss I still can taste  
  
Not a memory erased~  
  
Koushiro had been so... perfect. Perfect for *him.*  
  
He used to come up behind Daisuke and wrap his arms around his waist, resting his lips against his neck and whispering hello. He used to lean back into the embrace, feeling more content with the world than ever. As later came and went, he learned that if he brushed his fingers against Koushiro's side rib bone, he'd shiver. He used to sneak up behind Koushiro when he was intent on his laptop and tackle him unmercifully. Kisses were long and passionate, always gentle and alive at the same time. Embraces were natural. Smiles a most often occassion.  
  
Every memory was still perfect in his mind.  
  
~Oh how I can see your star shining down on me  
  
And I'd do anything  
  
If I could just be right there~  
  
Daisuke looked up at the sky, hearing echoes of his love's voice in his ear. The stars were radiant.  
  
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight...  
  
I wish I may, I wish I might, be with my love just one last night.  
  
Daisuke bowed his head and sobbed.  
  
~Where you are  
  
Where you and I will be together once again  
  
We'll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to do~  
  
No one expected Koushiro to die. Everyone had been in shock. The Digimon had blasted one attack and then- nothing. Not even a chance to delete. No final goodbyes.  
  
He was just gone.  
  
Daisuke shuddered with surpressed emotion, trying hard not to just flail himself off the cliff right there and then. He owed it to the others to just... somehow... say goodbye to them, too. Even if they couldn't hear him.  
  
Soon he'd be home in his constant's arms.  
  
~And you'll be smiling back at me  
  
Only then will I be free  
  
When I can be where you are~  
  
His parents wouldn't miss him, he knew that much. Would they even realize he was gone? In his entire life, they'd completely ignored him. If they looked after anyone with pride, it was Jun, his snotty older sister. So they probably wouldn't notice much, anyway.  
  
Koushiro had loved him more than enough to make up for that once...  
  
But Koushiro wasn't here anymore.  
  
His sister was... okay. She used to be, at least. As he got older, things changed. She stopped telling him stories and started calling him names. Daisuke knew it was a brother sister thing, but he'd seen the way Kari and Tai acted-- Matt and TK! They loved their younger siblings. Jun thought he was a nusence to society.  
  
Koushiro had looked after him, though. Been his onii-chan through it all. His protector in some ways, even though Daisuke was the stronger of the two in strength mostly.  
  
TK and Hikari... he knew they loved each other. He hoped they were happy. They would grieve- they'd come to know him as a good friend in spite of his attitude.  
  
Yolei would move on. So would Cody. Sora and Joe would move on, as well as Mimi who barely noticed him. Tai would be saddened. Tai was his idol, his friend, the role model he'd never had. Matt might miss him.   
  
Daisuke smiled. He'd seen the way Tai and Matt looked at each other. It was only a matter of time before they realized what was going on between them. He and Koushiro used to laugh about it, making mock bets on which one would cave first. It had been a cute match.  
  
Now they would never find out who won.  
  
Daisuke took a deep breath. 'For once, let me do something right in this world. No one needs me. No one at all.'  
  
Except maybe Veemon.  
  
~Oh baby there are times when selfishly  
  
I'm wishing that you were here with me~  
  
Veemon.... Daisuke tensed, suddenly remembering his best friend. Veemon had always been there for him. So... how could he leave him like this? With no partner, no home...  
  
No love...  
  
Daisuke started to cry. He wanted to jump so bad. So bad.  
  
But friendship, the cursed other crest he bore, was holding him back.  
  
~So I can wipe the tears from your eyes and make you see  
  
That every night when you're dreaming~  
  
He took a step forward...  
  
And stopped.  
  
He couldn't do it.  
  
In his mind, the imploring face of his blue digimon friend was waving at him. Talking to him.  
  
Friendship was the thread holding him back.  
  
~I'm here to love you from afar  
  
And anytime I feel the love  
  
I'll close my eyes and dream of where you are~  
  
Daisuke owed it to him. Owed it to Koushiro, too, not to go through with this.  
  
It hurt so much to be apart from him.  
  
But he knew he couldn't leave Veemon with that kind of pain. Daisuke felt his heart break.  
  
He would bear the courage to live a life without the gift of love. That was his redemption. His sacrifice. All for the sake of friendship.  
  
He had all the time in the world. When he was done living, someday far in the future, after new generations were born and everyone was happy, he'd die somehow. Maybe of old age. That would suck, but at least it'd be done with.  
  
Then, he could be with Koushiro. And only then. When there were no reasons to be here.  
  
~Where you are  
  
Where you and I will be together once again  
  
We'll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to do~  
  
Slowly, trembling from head to toe, Daisuke turned away from the cliff. Away from the certainty of being with happiness forever.  
  
He walked away and did not look back.  
  
Because he knew if he did, he couldn't stop himself from jumping.  
  
~And you'll be smiling back at me  
  
Only then will I be free  
  
When I can be where you are~  
  
The Digital World looked so peaceful in comparison to the chaotic mind of the teenaged goggle headed leader of the Chosen Children. Daisuke walked back quietly, sniffing every so often, filled with regret but also a steady new determination.  
  
He would be strong.  
  
He would live.   
  
For Veemon. For Koushiro.  
  
And, finally, for once in his life...  
  
For himself.  
  
~Baby I still believe, oh I gotta believe  
  
I still believe, I will touch you that sweet day  
  
That you take me there  
  
Where you are (where you are)~  
  
Daisuke finally made it back to the campsite where the others were waiting for him.  
  
Takeru looked up from the fire and stood quickly, looking relieved and worried. "Daisuke! You're okay!"  
  
Hikari looked up, her eyes sad but also filling with tears of happiness. "We... we thought you might have..."  
  
"When you sneaked off, everyone thought..." Cody said softly.  
  
Daisuke looked around at their worried faces and smiled warily, with a sad look of acceptance. "I'm fine. Everything will be okay."  
  
"Davish!"  
  
A blue blur flew at the younger teenager, faster than a bullet, and clutched the boy's legs. A tear stained face looked up at him with large brown eyes.  
  
"Davish, I was so worried!"  
  
Daisuke stared down at Veemon, his reason, his lifeline, and smiled tearfully. "I know. I'm so sorry, Veemon... I'm so sorry." For no reason, he suddenly collapsed to his knees and took the Digimon in his arms tightly, hugging him. Veemon cuddled into the embrace, happy to be with his friend again.  
  
Daisuke knew he'd done the right thing, no matter how painful.  
  
~I still believe, whoooooa I gotta believe  
  
I still believe, I will touch you that sweet day  
  
That you take me there  
  
Where you are, oh where you are!~  
  
Still hugging Veemon, tears falling from his eyes, but a soft smile on his face, Daisuke made a promise.  
  
'I love you, Kou-chan. But I have a duty here. Someone needs me. I will live... And... When it's all over... I'll be home with you again.'  
  
'Wait for me.'  
  
~I still believe, I gotta believe  
  
I still believe, I'll always be waiting here  
  
That sweet day (that sweet day, yeah)~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END: ::sniffs:: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... I suck at this. Oh well. I liked it! So sue me!  
  
Daisuke: Kay, if you'd just listen to me you wouldn't suck... here... take a look at my new manuscripts...  
  
Kay: ::takes papers and blinks:: "Attack of the Frigimon Empire"? "The Numemon That Could"? "EGGZILLA ATTACKS TO-KEYO"??!?!?!?!  
  
Daisuke: Better n' what YOU wrote!!!!! ::grins::  
  
Kay: .... for once, I actually DO feel like I wrote something worth it...  
  
Daisuke: Whaaaaaat? You don't like what I wrote?  
  
Kay: ::innocently:: Do you have a paper shredder, Dai-kun?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
